Book of Invasions, Modern Tales

As part of a project we were asked to retell one of the stories from the Celtic Cycle of myths. However, we were to adept them into a modern setting. I chose the Book of Invasions. I hope you enjoy.

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How the Caesars came to the Big House   

The Caesars came to this area many years ago. After finding a house they loved, they bought it. The Family moved into the house and lived happily for many years, until one day tragedy struck in the form of a massive storm. It flooded the whole area, killing the entire family.

How the Perrys came to the Big House

The Perrys came after the Caesars, some thirty years later. They were ranchers and brought cattle and other animals to the Big House, but they were killed by the Plague.

How the Nathans came to the Big House

The Nathans were a big city family that moved out to the country for the first time. They didn't know much in the way of farming, but the head of the household, Mr. Nathan, picked up on things quickly enough. However, he got sick and died and the rest of the family couldn't support themselves, what with not having much help and the rent demanded by the new owners of the land, the Formans. They had to leave the Big House until the sons had grown up.

How the Five Boys came to the Big House

Sometime after the Nathans left the Big House, their sons, known to all who knew them as the Five Boys, returned to the Big House in hopes of buying it from the Formans. Now the eldest of the Nathan boys, Erin, had called the Formans about the Big House before they had decided to return. The Formans had given Erin a steep, but reasonable price for the Big House, and after pooling their money the Five Boys figured they had just enough to get them there and buy the house. So they set off from the apartment they had moved into some years before when they left the Big House as children, in hopes of returning to their parents’ home and a better life. However, when the Five Boys reached the Big House and offered the Formans the settled price, the Formans changed their minds and refused to sell the house. They claimed they would only sell it for twice what the Five Boys could pay for it. The Five Boys didn't know what to do. Their other house they had sold, and they had no money to buy themselves a lawyer, even if they were sure they could win the case. Besides, they needed a place to live now, and the Formans were only too willing to offer them a more reasonable price for rent. So the Five Boys settled down at the Big House, not as owners, but as renters and it wasn't long before they were out of money and longing for their old home, away from the Formans.

How the Dansons came to the Big House

Not long after the Five Boys had settled at the Big House, a new family came trundling down the road towards the area of land owned by the Formans. In fact this family came right up to the front drive of the Big House. Now it was well past the middle of the night and there was a heavy mist not safe for driving in, and a large storm threatened to break at any moment. So, knowing of no other place to stay, the Dansons decided to ask at the Big House, to see if there was a spare room they could spend the night in. Well, it was well known to all who knew them that the Five Boys could never turn down guests, especially ones right on their doorstep in the middle of the night, in a dreadful mist with a storm about to break. Besides, Erin had sworn he would never leave a traveler on his doorstep. So they invited them inside, prepared a lovely meal, and sent them off to bed in the spare room. The next morning when the Dansons made to leave, the Five Boys begged them to stay until they had some breakfast. Well, it was no wonder, the Five Boys being sociable people, that after breakfast came lunch, and after lunch, dinner, and soon the Dansons were staying another night.

Now Mr. Danson was named Nathan, and those who knew him called him Nathan of the Silver Tongue, for he was always good at making talk. However, Nathan was also known for making people do what he wanted, and after a day at the Big House, Nathan decided he liked the place too much to leave. Whenever he offered to go, he always twisted his words so that the Five Boys felt convinced they must allow the Dansons to stay another night. Nights became weeks, and weeks months, until at last the Five Boys felt the Dansons' welcome was quite overstayed.

Slowly, the Five Boys became less and less hospitable, hoping the Dansons would get the hint and leave. Unfortunately for them, their ploy had the opposite effect. Some say it was then, other say he had planned it all along, but it was at this time that Nathan began to put into effect his plan to stay indefinitely. He went to see the Formans and struck a deal with them, that if the Five Boys couldn't pay their rent the Formans would evict them. Well, the first of November came about and the Formans demanded the rent for the last month, but when the Five Boys went to look for the rent money, they couldn't find it. Nathan had hidden it from them, and when the Five Boys protested to the Formans, Nathan produced the cash and said, "If they can't pay, I'd love to buy this place, and I can always pay the rent." The Five Boys knew they had been tricked, but they could do nothing about it, so they packed their things and left that very same day.

The Birth of Luie

Now the Forman family business was run by Berry Forman. Berry always wore dark sun glasses and they say that he wore them to cover the fact he only had one eye, but others say that if he ever took them off, whoever looked into his eyes would have a heart attack and die! Berry had a beautiful daughter named Eileen who was his pride and joy. He always made sure she had whatever she asked for, but he never let her out of his sight. Indeed a whole quarter of the Forman house was sectioned off just for her, so that no one could go in without Berry knowing, and no one could leave either. Now the Dansons had lived in the Big House for quite some time, and Nathan was getting old. He had a son named Cale who spent more and more time working for Berry Forman so that the family could meet the rent. It just so happens that one day as Cale was sweeping out the Forman house, he saw Eileen through the doorway as he father left the apartment. Their eyes locked, and their hearts soared and each vowed to themselves that they would see one another again.

So Cale went to his aunt Bernia to ask her how he should proceed. Bernia knew Berry very well, and knew he would never let Cale anywhen hear his daughter, so she thought up a plan. She told Cale to sneak out at night and visit the Forman's house. Just to be safe, Cale would need to disguise himself as a woman, in case he was recognized. He tried three times, the first time he was nearly caught by his parents, the next time he was nearly spotted by Berry, but on the third night he made it to Eileen's window and spent the night with her. Well in nine months’ time, basic biology had done its part, and Eileen gave birth to a baby boy. Berry was furious, but he didn't know who the father was. Still he didn't want the baby growing up in his family because of the shame it would bring, so aunt Bernia offered to take the baby off of his hands and it was she who raised him, the little boy, Luie.

How the Formans were bought out at last

Now Luie grew up a very skilled boy. He knew how to fix a car, and how to wrestle, he could play the most beautiful music, and compose the loveliest poetry, he could make very nearly anything, and he was an avid student in nearly every subject. He was well admired for his skill, and when the Dansons realized their son's potential, they pooled their money that they might send him to the city to learn business. Luie quickly became the best of his class, and many businessmen began to take note of him. One businessman, Merry Macintyre, took the young Luie under his wing and taught him to be a stock broker. Luie proved to be very successful at the job, and after a few years he had made a lot of money. However, Luie always missed his family back at the Big House. One day, the homesickness became too much to bear, and Luie decided to visit his family. He bought a ticket back home and arrived to find his family in dire straits. With Lugh gone, his family didn't have enough people to help out and Lugh father and grandfather were getting too old for much of the heavier work. Even as he arrived his father was struggling to lift a barrel onto the wagon and was very nearly crushed under the weight. Luie rushed to help him and easily lifted the barrel from his back. It had been so long and Luie had grown so much, his father didn't even recognize him at first, but as soon as Luie told him who he was the Dansons had a big celebration!

Luie was shocked by his family's state. In a fit of anger he ran to his grandfather Berry's house and demanded that Berry hand over the rights to the land. Luie argued that he inherited the rights to the land through his mother and that Berry needed to hand them over as recompense for his cruelty. Berry was not one to give up so easily, though, and countered with a challenge. If Luie could beat him in a game of chess, the land would be his. Well, that got everyone riled up, as it is quite well known that people love competition, especially competition when the stakes are high, especially when the stakes are one's own home! Aunt Bernia set out the old chessboard in the lawn between the two properties and Luie sat on the side of the Nathans, and Berry sat on the side of the Formans, and everyone from both families gathered around. The game was long and difficult, but eventually it seemed the game was going in favor of Berry. That is when Aunt Bernia spoke to Luie in the form of a riddle telling him what his next move should be. Luie saved himself and continued playing, but once again the game seemed to be turning in favor of Berry, and Aunt Bernia told Luie another riddle to give him a hint. Luie was able to turn the game around once more, but again, after some time Berry was getting the upper hand. Luie saw the way the game was progressing and had to think fast in order to win. He spied a little pebble on the ground next to the game board and when his next turn came he pretended to yawn, stretched and grabbed the pebble. Then in one fluid motion he threw the pebble at Berry's glasses and moved his chess piece. Berry's glasses shattered and he had to play without them, but he couldn't see the board and the Formans kept yelling conflicting instructions at him so Luie quickly won the game, and thus the rights to the land. The Formans accepted the game and shortly after moved away. They were never heard from again.

How the Milsons came to the Big House

Many years passed since Luie won the chess game against his grandfather. The neighborhood around the Big House had changed in that time. More houses had been built, each steadily getting closer to the other until there were only small yards sandwiched between large houses. A proper road had been built and children had played on it. As more time passed the children grew older and the people moved away. A university was built nearby and the houses started to get rented out as student homes. Through all this, however, the Dansons had remained living at the Big House, which was now number 379 Green Hill Ln, as it is to this day.

One morning, a man by the name of Ith Milson came wandering down the lane when he heard yelling from inside the Big House. He was just wondering what the fuss was about when three large men came out of the house, shoving and shouting, seemingly prepared to settle their dispute on the front lawn. Ith was aghast at the behavior of the men and quickly strode forward to break them up. He learnt that the three were brothers and that they were fighting over which one of them owned the Big House left in their father's will. Ith couldn't understand the argument which the brothers were having, the Big House was the largest and most beautiful house on the block. There was plenty of room for all three brothers to live there. He began to explain this all to the brothers but they refused to listen. They jeered at him and presented the will shouting that someone had to inherit the house. Ith was very offended, but as he read the will he thought of a way to get back at the brothers and to teach them a good lesson at the same time.

The will, it seemed, had some stipulations with regards to inheritance, and one could only inherit the house if he met all the outlined regulations. Now Ith had a brother named Amergin who was a real-estate agent, and he knew a house like the Big House would be very good for business on the market. He resolved he would explain the will to Amergin, and Amergin would attempt to meet the stipulations and claim the house his own. He left the brothers to their squabbles and set out. The brothers were suspicious of Ith's quick exit, however. After a quick brawl and some muttered apologies they set out to hire a lawyer to properly explain the will to them. Well you must imagine their surprise when they discovered the true nature of the will, and Ith's probably intentions. Immediately the brothers set out to meet all the requirements of the will for themselves and keep their inheritance.

Completing the will's stipulations became a race between the three brothers and Amergin, but whenever the brothers completed a task, they discovered Amergin was already finishing the next one! He was always one step ahead of them and it became apparent that they would not be able to win the race. Each of the brothers' wives went to meet with Amergin individually, and each explained that he would win the race if he kept completing the stipulations at the speed he was going. However, Amergin showed no intention of letting the brothers off the hook, and so he continued to beat them.

Eventually the brothers themselves went to meet Amergin, and, humbling themselves, they asked him to give them a little bit of time. Amergin consented that he would complete one task of whatever nature the brothers could devise, and that he would not work towards completing the stipulations until after he had finished their task. The brothers thought hard about it. They came up with this: Amergin must compete in a triathlon to buy them more time. Amergin agreed and set out to participate in the local tournament. The brothers were very crafty, and prepared tricks to trip Amergin up in each of the competitions, but each one he passed and they only got a few of the will's stipulations completed while Amergin was distracted. The brothers knew it was useless to compete with Amergin, so they hired a lawyer and made a settlement with Amergin. Amergin could own the bottom half of the Big House, if the bothers could reside in an apartment on the top half. Amergin agreed and so it came to pass that the Dansons lived in the top half of the Big House, while the bottom was inhabited by Amergin and his family, the Milsons. The Milsons resided at 379 Green Hill Ln, while the Dansons resided at Other 379 Green Hill Ln, and that is the way it has been until the present day.